hey- only read if you are in the mood for a random tangent letter
appreciating friends who have let me speak and still felt understood- thank you
I dont know where I need to be but that’s okay. Everywhere I go there is different struggles, people living, fighting, dying differently. We’ve been in different places for a long time now. Ive thought of you as a friend that has seemed to stay & for how crazy shit changes all the time, people moving, working, Ive kept doing what I can everyday finding meaning from the powerful conversations with strangers wherever I go & if there’s time when we sit and smoke & leearn everyones so different & complex. I miss you as a friend, a comrade. There is so much Ive wanted to talk to you about & with how distant everything is these days, I still think about you & talk with you in silent moments when Im alone & want to chill with you. Doing that right now with this letter. I love you & I miss you & I thank you for how much youve taught me & all the work you do to resist. I am learning more about the struggle where you are everyday & am struggling somedays to see beauty anymore or believe in love. And I think its important to be alone and be in nature for me to find that right now. Ive been connecting with my Irish Mexican family who all moved to Arizona & the Navajo Dine rez is cities away from them & they have become more of family too after my visit there. The battles in Hawaii where I have cousins makes me feel crazy to even talk about being back here in US. I have family in Guadalajara, Mexico that Ive never even met & I plan to visit Christopher Gomez-Wong back on the border where he is fighting. I am traveling & moving a lot this year and never know where I need to be. Currently in Oakland, I have people here & it feels comforting to have couches so many places & time for tea with friends when it happens for serious talks. Now in Galt with my mother again to be with her. Been jumping between many groups and communities with different fights learning from everyone and trying to figure out what to do about everything all the time while just trying to take care of the basics of survival each day. I love you & think about what a beautiful soul you are & how loud you are & brave & blunt because you have truth. Im displaced I realized. We all are. I am learning who I am & who my ancestors are everyday & Im confused spiritually still growing. Im heartbroken & trying not to fall in love like these ways again. We are so young & the world keeps getting darker with the days but still we wont let it. We cant. I keep wanting to have a baby but I need to take care of myself. Learning to be my own mother & lover & brother.
Te amo, Sirena